Scout 2.0

Although I have been quiet about Scout...
I still want my dog back.

I just can't emotionally -
I can't continue to share his picture endlessly.

It's not that I don't care, or that I forgot. 

It's that every time I do, my eyes water, my throat tightens and I can't torture myself like this. 

Leave it to a dog to do something to your heart like what he did to me. 

But with a face like that how can you blame me? 

It's been 2 years and 9 days. 

I subconsciously know when the 18th of every month is even if I'm trying not to remember why the 18th is such a remarkable day. 

It's amazing how the bad things just re-open themselves like a wound that NEVER goes away. 

I promised to give up on anger.

To give up on the victim mentality. 

To find the light. 

To believe that Scout is with a family that loves him. 

Someone that loves him like I did, like I still do. 

Someone that for the love of god is not feeding him lamb. 

I mean 

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

there is a number I don't know calling me my heart pauses.

Hoping it's the microchip company or a local vet calling to tell me they found him and that he's safe. 

But it's not & hasn't been. 

Or every time I see someone walking a dog with a long tail and a white chest I have to slam on the brakes to examine.

I still know one day it will be.

So if you have found a dog - maybe a dog that was scared.
A dog that was timid like Scout was, I hope you follow protocol.
That you check for a chip.
I hope that you don't assume.
That you give a family a chance.
Some people don't care about their dogs like I do, but sometimes dogs are lost and they do belong to people like me, people that are still hurting.

If the family never comes, it's free game.
Take it & love it.

But please don't come to your own conclusions and take that opportunity from people like me.

& thank you to everyone who empathizes with us.
To those who have endlessly shared, hoped, prayed.
Who have looked, called, messaged us and who are as hopeful as us.

I know we will Find Scout.