Charley's Debut Do-Over: What to REALLY expect when you're expecting

This one time I was approached about essential oils.

It was around October 2013. I was pregnant with Charley; my back was killing me (Oh, how things change, yet stay the same).

I was offered a sample of some blue stuff (Soothing Blend) and declined because I was too good for that hippy stuff.

Taking my portable massage chair everywhere I went made wayyyy more sense.  

I never thought about an essential oil again. 

Charley changed me forever on January 3rd. 

There was something about her perfect 7 pound 14 ounce body that changed the way I loved; forever. 

About an hour before her birth I heard her 150+ bpm heart lower, and lower, and lower. 

The monitor next to my ear sounded like a car dying as it runs out of gas. 

I began silently begging to a god that I didn't know if I even believed in. 

I promised I would be a good person; a good mother; and do my best with Charley. 

I pleaded for him to save my baby.  

My baby that I never knew I could love so much. 

I glanced at the screen... 28bpm.

I could have thrown up. 

What is happening? 

Is this normal? 

I look at Ricky, he stood there strong; like a rock. 

Not showing a single ounce of fear.

Oxygen on my face, 

A room full of people, 

a shot in my arm 

& a stopped labor.

Her heartbeat started increasing. 

 Ricky suited up, I was wheeled back to the O.R. placed onto a separate table laid out naked, drugged and exposed to an audience. My doctor had an intern and I think Ricky about passed out from the smells and the details my doctor shared with the intern. What seemed like a lifetime (20 minutes later) we would meet my perfect baby that my prayers & an excellent hospital staff spared for us.

Charley was 2 days old when my longest friend & his mom brought me a gift for her; inside there was a small vial of lavender. 

I was high on pain medication (c-section survivor) but I remember Narelle telling me something about lavender, Charley's feet, and about her being restless.

Okayyyyy - put that back in the bag, "thanxxxx" 

That entire day I was struggling to get Charley to latch, what's up mastitis? 

Later that night the nurse would tell me that my perfect baby was turning yellow. 

Hey Jaundice.

Welcome to the party!
Jaundice is typically caused from a premature liver & in turn the inability to get billirubin out of the bloodstream.

I would be a crying, laughing, OF COURSE THIS IS MY LIFE mess in front of 2 of our close friends and they were unsure of my high state of mind & misfortune of a series of events I had planned differently in my mind. 

Blame my hormones, K?

So she had to stay on a bed & a wand for ___ amount of days. 

I busted out of that hospital on day 4 like I had never seen life outside those walls. 

Telling me to wear those stupid leg things, telling me how many times I have to pee, telling me how many times I have to pump - GO AWAY 

I (don't) know what I'm doing.

As I left the hospital they told me to also place her somewhere by a window so the "sunlight" could help.

It's January in Salt Lake City. 

We haven't seen the "sunlight" since October. 

The billi bed & wand were at our house before we even got home. ($$$)

Jaundice killed me. I wanted to hold her, cuddle her, nurture her, smell her & I couldn't. 

She had to be on the bed at all times except for feedings & diaper changes. 

We had to drive downtown to have her billiruben levels checked daily for the next week. 

Every bump in the car felt like my incision was going to bust at the seems. 

Next Chapter Obstacle: 

Every time Charley ate; her knees came into her belly button followed by a loud, uncomfortable scream. 

Ricky & I at one point joked that we had a fire breathing baby!! 

Oh & here's how I won stupidest mom award:

I anxiously awaited her to become 2 weeks old so I could use this godsend called gripe water & gas drops. 

Holy shit were they awesome. 

Every bottle, like literally was laced with gripe water and gas drops because I was "preventing" her gas & tummy troubles.
I am so smart!! 

When Charley was 3 weeks new my aunt came into town. 

She was washing dishes and showed me how the nipple came out of the bottle ring

(No I didn't know that. Yes I read what to expect when you're expecting - they didn't say shit about this).

 So I'm sitting there amazed because the nipple comes off the ring. 

WOW.

Then I'm drying them and I see something etched on the rim.

It's a 3. 

So I google
"3 on advent bottle"

Must've missed this chart!

OHHH. 

You've been alive for 3 weeks and I'm drowning you in a bottle that's made for babies that are 3-6 months. 

NO WONDER YOUR STOMACH HURTS. 

(cuss. cuss. cuss. cuss. I'm so f*#^ing stupid!!!!)

Seriously, there needs to be a book about this. 

So we worked that out. 

I bought about 30 different bottles trying to work through her tummy troubles and around week 7 I think we finally had it figured out. 

Oh, week 7 is also when I stopped breastfeeding because Charley and I both got thrush THREE TIMES. 

Rewind back to week 3: 

This one night I was dying for sleep. 

It was 3am and Charley had been up for like 72 hours which meant I was up for like 72 hours too (or at least it felt like that)  

So I rummage through those hospital gift bags.

Tissue paper -- everywhere. 

Lavender!

Ah!

Okay, feet. 

tiniest little amount.

Okay, wait, 

AH, 

oh.

She's asleep. 

Coincidence. 

You might have thrush if your nipples feel like a jagged piece of glass, that is on fire, is rubbing back and forth on your nipples 24/7.
My lactation consult nurse told me that I had thrush. She told me to go to the pedi for Charley and get lotrimin for my nipples. Yes I rubbed athlete's foot cream on my nipples - because that is probably incredibly unsafe, but it did work. I wouldn't do it again, I also wouldn't recommend that anyone do that. You might get thrush 3 times if you use athlete's foot cream. 
I also smelled of spaghetti sauce & maple syrup in order to get my milk supply to satisfy upset her belly, but I'll give you some solutions for all of these below. 

So let's say hypothetically... with the next baby - I know what I'm doing, & I have a more natural approach:

Let's say I get a rewind & even if it lead to a C-section I still had some other tricks up my sleeve. 

The good news: We're all still alive & life has been much easier than that first little bit.